Surprise! Hello, gentle reader. It's been eighteen months since we last kiki'd on this forum (which I absolutely REFUSE to call a blog), and you may have noticed everything else is gone. We're starting fresh. Humor my preamble for a moment here – though sharing my writing in this space was deeply cathartic, it became clear that I couldn't fully embrace the honesty it demanded. It felt artificial to dance around how much I was enjoying the #healingjourney when, in reality, I'd have much rather talked in circles about whatever boy drama I was going through at the time. THERE! I SAID IT! Not to mention, much of that sentiment didn't feel true to the person I am today. Alternate caption: I HATED it! Wow, they weren't lying about the whole honesty thing. Either way, enough admissions, for now, friends. Let's get this show on the road.

As many of you may know, today is my birthday. I am officially in my late twenties. This is hilarious, considering I don’t look a day over sixteen (if we’re being generous). Either way, this day typically brings up a whole host of feelings, but above all else, I like to use it as a time for introspection. To take inventory of life lived thus far to help inform the chapter ahead. Of course, mix in expectations and the anxiety of aging against someone else’s timeline, and you’ve got the perfect cocktail. Be that as it may, something about twenty-seven feels different. I know this to be true because, well, Kacey Musgraves also said so. For my astrology girlies, maybe it’s because I’m on the precipice of my Saturn return. Or maybe since I’ve got so much exciting change ahead of me, how could I not be looking forward to what’s next? Who’s to say? Still, if I’m gonna spend today in my thoughts and feels – maybe writing it all down will provide the emotional purge I’m going for.

In the lead-up to the big day, Jen and I like to use our session to honor a little tradition we created together. We reflect on the season's experiences, set intentions for the chapter ahead, and choose a word that grounds what's in store. I wish I could tell you all forty-five minutes were spent in productive reflection, but in reality, I spent the first half of our session in a puddle of tears with anxiety brain in full swing. It feels like an apparent admission to state that the only way out is through people! Feel your fucking feels! Once we were out of there, what became abundantly clear was a desperate need to detach – a poignant sayonara to that which no longer serves me, a promise to untether from the need to control. As Jen famously puts it, to let go or be dragged. So, my word for twenty-seven? Release.

This incredibly daunting return to sharing my writing on this forum is my first release of twenty-seven. In this life, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of experiencing it alongside people who have deeply impacted the human I’ve become. While it remains a hard-learned lesson not to give unsolicited advice, I trust you’ll allow today to be the exception. I present to you – twenty-seven lessons I’ve learned on my twenty-seventh. Brought to you by those who have left footprints on my path, whether they are alongside me at present or took a sharp left turn at exit OK, bye, I GUESS!?!?!?!?!?!?! These lessons are silent nods from those who have seen me at my best and worst, echoes of conversations shared in the safest spaces, or lessons I had to learn kicking and screaming in defense. Brace yourself; it’s a long one. If you’ve reached this point, I invite you to earmark what resonates and release what does not. Or stop reading here. You do you, babes!

Once a week, typically on a Tuesday evening, someone asks me how I am tending to my metaphorical garden. On some days, the flowers are in full bloom, and on others, I’m too busy chasing butterflies with so much urgency and impatience every single one of them flies away. A few weeks ago, they asked me: Lau, when you really think about it, when has the timing of your life not been perfect? Instinctively, I bet you want to think of multiple instances where you perceived this as absolutely not the case. I know I did. But when you zoom out, like me, you’ll realize that everything fell into place exactly as it was supposed to. They so often remind me of the importance of trusting the process. To extend the garden metaphor even further, riddle me this: when you plant a seed, you’re not incessantly checking to make sure the roots are growing nicely. You trust that your flowers will eventually bloom, even if the scent of fertilizer makes you want to stick your head inside a toilet. In a more literal sense, it’s a signal to have faith in the timing of your life and stay rooted in your progress. Right now, I’d say to them: umm, I can’t tell if this is going well or not. They would laugh, because they always laugh at my jokes, and say trust that it is.
No matter how wildly erratic life can get, some people will always walk next to you, no matter the destination. I feel undeserving of the number of people in my life to whom that statement applies, but for now, I’d like to focus on one in particular. They love without condition and never fail to meet you exactly where you are. Whether in fantastical dreaming or to sit in silence while your tears flow like Niagra Falls – they will champion your victories and listen to you talk and not tell you their ears started bleeding an hour ago, all without making you feel like they’ve heard you say it a hundred times over, just in a different font. Where I’m going with this is that the most meaningful friendships are the ones that will support you through every chapter. These bonds are often bound by a mutual understanding that friendships are about sustaining during ebbs and flows. When they read this, they’d laugh and tell you that they live vicariously through my quirky mishaps, but I trust they know that I’m only ever one flight away from them if they need it.
In the spirit of this person’s love for keeping things short, sweet, and tight (seriously, no fluff allowed, Lau!), I’ll get straight to the point: You don’t get what you don’t ask for. They’re onto something when they say fortune favors the bold. Seek out opportunities and be so unapologetically assertive it pisses people off. In fact, where pertinent, don’t take no for an answer. What is the worst that could happen? More importantly, who has the time to tiptoe around? Not this person! Not I! Boldness isn’t just a trait; it’s a superpower. Embrace the discomfort because that’s where the magic happens. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?
The most unfiltered form of loyalty can be found in the people who will tell you EXACTLY how it is, with absolutely zero foreplay, and most notably, when you have absolutely no interest in hearing it. They won’t bat an eyelash in their quest to let you know that you’re being ridiculous, or when your outfit isn’t hitting, or when that guy you’re obsessed with is most certainly a tool. But, they are the same people who will hold a mirror up to you and say – don’t you ever forget who the F you are. They hand you reality with a generous serving of tough love because they know you’re capable of more. They keep us grounded, accountable, and often are the people give you the push you need to get where you need to go. Their loyalty lies not in telling you what will make you feel better at that moment but in giving you what you need to be stronger because of it. These are the people we should hold closest.
As a firm believer of #manifestation, this one never fails to hit: what is meant for you will ALWAYS find you. It will reach you even if it currently resides at the bottom of the sea, and if it isn’t, you wouldn’t be able to grab it, even if it sat at your fingertips. But Lau, what if it pulled the rug out from under you and dipped before you could make a Taylor Swift-centered playlist about it? This person taught me that if it belongs to you, it will always find a way to get to you. And if it has left? It often has a funny way of coming back to find you again – allegedly (always), when you least expect it. And if it doesn’t? It’s because something far better than you imagined is en route. Chart the course, and trust that whatever higher power you believe in works around the clock to get it to you.
I’ll keep this one simple: that which you do not deal with deals with you. I hate to be the one to tell you this – running from your problems doesn’t make them go away. Unresolved issues often have a devious way of catching up to you, and when they do, they’re a lot harder to tame. They seep into every aspect of your life, especially where they are unwanted, and often leave a mess behind them that can feel almost impossible to clean up. Face them now.
If the thing you are worrying about right now won't matter in five years, don't give it more than five minutes. If you're anything like me– an anxiously attached girlie and a grade A++++ ruminator – this one is distinctively challenging. When all is said and done, you can choose what is worthy of air time. This person so often reminds me not to sweat the small stuff, and when they do, I feel tempted to literally take a butter knife and slice off every single one of my fingers. Perhaps it's because what is trivial to you could be perceived as colossal to another. Still, the sentiment stands – let's BFFR; as tempting as it is to overthink every detail of that one time you said a really stupid thing two days after you were born, you can re-center with the reminder that I'd bet that no one else is dwelling on whatever is bothering you. Sometimes, you just need a fresh lens to see things in a different light.
Having people in your life who push you toward your fullest potential is the greatest cheat code. They challenge you—not in a passive-aggressive “just playing devil’s advocate” way, but in that soul-crunching, workout-instructor-who-also-knows-your-trauma kind of way. They see what you’re made of, even when you forget. They’ll throw you a life raft when you’re drowning but still make you swim to shore. They stay in your corner even when you’re mid-spiral and yelling at them to leave. These people? They’re the real ones. The secret sauce. The reason I’ve made it through anything with even an ounce of grace. They believe in me louder than my inner critic and softer than I know how to accept. I don’t know who I’d be without them—and honestly, I don’t want to find out.
Invariably, within reason, choose to see the best in people. This has, in many instances, bit me in the ass and left a bruise. Didn’t I beg you not to embarrass me, motherfucker? Okay, pause; they aren’t the mainstay of this lesson; I just wanted an excuse to quote Please, Please, Please. Anyway, in a world full of skepticism and temptation to antagonize, there’s peace to be found in understanding that the actions of others almost always have zero to do with you. You can tell a lot about a person by how they choose to see the world around them. It’s a conscious, sometimes challenging feat to show consideration instead of finding fault. Do it regardless. I’ve had the privilege of watching this person stay kind in cruel situations, and in turn, they’ve inspired me to always keep this top of mind in my own life. Hold on to your softness, ladies and gents, because the best people bring out the best in people, and in turn, they get the best things.
Two things can be true at once, regardless of the occasion. Paradoxical by design but valid all the same. This one is, vexatiously, one of my favorites. Consider the idea of someone pitching themselves as one thing only to present as someone entirely different. Or they’ll tell you one thing and tell someone else something diametrically opposed – yet both statements are begrudgingly true to their experience. The cognitive dissonance can be dizzying, yet I’ve found that it very rarely has to be mutually exclusive. It’s all relative, baby! Of course, this one also has a positive spin, but I’m not trying to lead the witness. Here and now, this lesson underscores a tolerance for ambiguity and layers of understanding around how contradictory things can coexist. Sit with it. Embrace it. Challenge it. Accept it. Maybe in this case, or more specifically, for the person who inspired this lesson, they taught me to accept that we’re all just trying to wrap our heads around all the nuanced incongruities upstairs. Now, it’s entirely up to you if you’re willing to wait to see if they figure it out. A word to the wise? I wouldn’t.
This straightforward statement is so deeply indoctrinated in my ethos: That which you believe to be true becomes your reality. Beyond all the woo-woo manifestation principles (what’s good, the law of assumption! Pour one out for Neville Goddard!), there’s literal science to prove this. Our brains are wired to reinforce what we consistently think and believe– they evolve and adapt based on our beliefs and thought patterns, effectively shaping our reality. Slay, neuroplasticity! As a result, I myself love to live with the perfect amount of bombastic audacity. To pull up a chair in a meeting I have absolutely no business being a part of (I’m looking at you, Columbia University) or simply deciding that the impossible can be achieved with determination and a healthy helping of delusion. So, align yourself with what you want. This. Shit. Works. I know it does, because how else do you explain Taylor Swift playing my FAVORITE song during her surprise set, in Singapore of all places, which I had utterly convinced myself she would do? Either I’m on to something or have a direct line to her brain. Or Travis Kelce read my DM (he didn't... I checked)… But that’s neither here nor there!
In moments where you are paid a visit by that version of you who never thought you’d make it to today, be gentle with them. Give them grace. They didn’t know then what you know now and were birthed out of a need to survive. In fact, remind them that you are here now because of the push they gave you. That their hardship became your victory on this side of the timeline. Squeeze their hand, pull them in for a hug, and tell them how they made you tougher than your toughest day. When I think about the person who inspired this lesson in particular, and even as it intersects with past versions of myself, I know they’d both be so incredibly proud of the people we are today. They’d extend their sincere gratitude for being brave and actively deciding to become the people they needed back then. God only knows I’d hold your hand through it every single time. And if you drifted? I’d drift right behind you.
There has been so much chatter about time thus far, but let this be your midway checkpoint and unsolicited reminder: Life is too short. Dance it out. Send the text. Buy the shoes. Kiss the wrong person. Leave your AirPods at home and raw dog your hot girl walk. Show up when people need you. Cry if you need to. Choose kindness. Tell people how you feel. If you just farted in a crowded room? Blame it on the person to your right. No, I’m kidding, OWN IT! Sing off-key. Ask questions. Tick something off your bucket list. Make amends. Say no when you need to. Hug someone a little longer. Book the Eat, Pray, Love trip. Ask for help. Laugh at your own jokes. Advocate for yourself. Life is too short. Do it for you.
To this day, the thought of someone being upset with me remains one of my deepest triggers. As challenging as this has been to overcome, I am learning that despite what may be happening around you, try your best not to take things personally. First of all, if someone is mad at you, it is their responsibility to communicate and, in turn, decide if whatever qualms they have are worth working through. But beyond this, I’ve realized that nothing other people do is ever really about you. It’s almost always about them. I hate to say this, and I’m sure as hell guilty of it, too, but more often than not – it’s a projection. So, it feels pretty obvious to say that we shouldn’t take things to heart. Easier said than done. It’s a very conscious practice, this art of not internalizing the (re)actions, or lack thereof, of others. In the wise words of Mel Robbins: Let them. Still, I invite you to join me in the continuing journey of separating the fleeting moods of others from self-assurance. We’re working on it.
The best people, without question, are the ones who show up as nothing short of themselves. They don’t give a flying fuck about what people think of them, nor would they ever make themselves smaller by virtue of someone else’s comfort. It feels fitting to insert a corny joke, but I imagine they’d say something like if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. They don’t take themselves too seriously, even if they aren’t averse to #sundayscaries, but don’t fail to recognize that they’re more than enough, just as they are. They are also, concededly, the funniest people. We should all be a little more like them. Command every room you walk into, ethically plagiarize about 65% of their comedic material, and remember who you are and what you stand for.
For most of us (me), embracing change can sometimes be a mixed bag. However, I’ve learned that there is so much beauty to be found in periods of transition. I’d imagine it feels like that brief moment, just before you pull the parachute, where you are flying through the boundless sky, heart beating a bazillion miles per hour, suspended in exhilarating freedom. I say I imagine, and maybe the right word is assume because you couldn’t pay me to jump out of a plane. All of this to say, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of watching one of my favorite people bloom in their own evolution. To witness, front and center, how liberating it is to finally feel at home where you are and excited about where you’re going. From my vantage point, what’s become clear is that transition is a reminder that growth often springs from these phases of life. To experiment without expectations and actively learn more about who you are supposed to be. I just hope they never forget their wife at home……
Recently, I found myself in a conversation where I put my foot so far down my throat it ended up coming right out of my ass. I literally still have nightmares about it. But the focus here is not necessarily on the weight your words hold (important!!) or trying to debate when you don’t have a dog in the fight (also important!!); instead, in the conversations that follow with people who will patiently be your soundboard and invite you to see things in a different light. This, my friends, is empathy at its most graceful. It’s about the people in your life who will not only listen without judgment but also won’t shy away from challenging our assumptions in equal measure. Needless to say, their compassion reminded me of the importance of navigating the delicate balance of staying sensitive to the experiences of those around you and seeking out perspectives outside your realm of understanding. Sometimes, it’s okay to say the wrong thing as long as you’re willing to put your proverbial dick (unless, of course, you have one of those) in between your legs and be intentional when participating in challenging conversations.
Where it is appropriate, choose forgiveness. Holding resentment binds you to burden; Forgiveness forces you to grow beyond the pain you've endured. Of course, you are allowed ample time to grieve and operate within your right to hold offense; however, it is exhausting to seek justice at the hands of another. When we choose this path, we aren't condoning their actions; instead, we're focusing on releasing anger and hurt we shouldn't carry for longer than we need to. At the end of the day, it's as simple as this: it is a choice to release. Move forward with grace. Also, grudges aren't a good look on you! You're too cute for them, babes. Release, release, release.
One of the harshest truths I have come to accept about relationships in this life is that, no matter how hard you try, sometimes the people you never thought would leave will not stay forever. They aren’t bad people, hardly. They meant it when they took your hand, held it as tight as they possibly could, and promised they’d never let go. Every single time they said they were there for you? They meant it. And yet, you still lose them. Against your best effort, this version of your friendship runs its course. This is, without a doubt, the most vitriolic form of heartbreak. I don’t know how much more I have to say on the matter because I’m still in the process of wrapping my head around it, but I will say this: allow these kinds of losses to make you better for the people who choose to stay.
If you are so fortunate in this life, you are granted the opportunity to meet people twice. The first time around, things may align differently from how they need to forge a meaningful bond. Perhaps it’s a misalignment of personality, or for whatever reason, you just can’t seem to get the piece to fit within the puzzle, no matter how hard you try. You just can’t get any further than a baseline understanding of each other’s worlds. But then life happens, as it always seems to, and you meet again, only under a different state of affairs. This time around, you’re afforded the chance to reconnect with growth, forgiveness, and empathy. This is where the actual depth of your relationship is revealed. Some of my most meaningful relationships are the ones that are currently thriving in their born again life. Seriously, I cannot encourage this enough. Because maybe, when all is said and done – the best chances are the ones that come second.
There is no joy greater than seeing the people you love exploring their passions and interests without apology. I am a massive fan of not hiding your love for things, even if people think it’s too much. To me, excitement breeds such a distinct form of joy, and I love nothing more than watching my people feel such unparalleled happiness around the things that light them up. In fact, I’d argue the most revolting group of people are the ones who shit on people for any level of eagerness they experience around their interests. Maybe if they had hobbies, they’d get it? All of this is to say that where I’m getting at here is that there is no greater happiness than embracing your passions. Be so fully immersed in what makes your heart sing others get annoyed. The world needs more unabashed enthusiasm and less judgment.
Do not, under any circumstances, tolerate someone holding you to a past version of yourself that no longer exists. Let me be so straightforward: you are not your mistakes. You are how you overcame them. You are a sum of all your experiences, both good and bad, and my hope is that you’ve been able to evolve past the shitty thing you did that came to mind as you read this sentence. It isn’t your responsibility to prove how you have endured and grown to anyone. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your journey. Surround yourself with people who see and appreciate the person you are now, not the person you were amidst a season of chaos. And if people don’t want any part of who you are today? Hold the door open for their exit. HAGS!
Is your gut trying to tell you something right now? Listen to it. It’s probably right.
The most beautiful gift you can give a person is your radical acceptance. It is the most profound form of love, understanding, and respect. This is in distinct reference to the person you so desperately want to change. We all have one of those. That person you want to grab by the shoulders and scream GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER at. It would be nice, wouldn’t it? If they’re anything like mine, it won’t make a difference. I’ve learned that you can’t will someone to be something they are not. So, instead, accept them as they are. Offer them your unwavering support and compassion, and love them from a faraway place if that is what you need. Take them as they are, and keep your expectations at bay. You’ll sleep better at night. I promise.
Sometimes, the most powerful goodbye is the one said in silence. I can almost guarantee that whatever declaration you’re about to make will not hold any gravity if the ears of your recipient are not ready to hear it. They probably won’t ever be. It took me over a decade to learn this one. Although I’m not above sending that paragraph, I’d encourage you not to give them the satisfaction of access to you when they don’t deserve it. That’s all I’ll say about that.
You are, at any given point in time, one decision away from changing your life. Someone near and dear to me never fails to remind me that you are the choices you make. You could pick path A, which could lead you to path AA, and by the time you make it path AHHHHH!!!!!!, you realize you need to turn around and get to path TF out of there. Totally fine. The case I’m trying to make here is that so often, when we are faced with a choice, it can feel easy to be flippant. On their behalf, I implore you to always choose with conviction. It’s rarely about making decisions to avoid mistakes but to align closer to where you’re meant to go. Each choice, whether monumental or minute, informs your path forward. So, next time you’re at a crossroads, choose with the kind of boldness that makes your environment sit up and take notice. Be deliberate.
For the greater part of my life, I have felt like an unreliable narrator of my own story. My credibility is compromised by theatrics or distorted perceptions on account of really fucking shitty people. I often find myself challenging the accuracy and self-proclaimed interpretations of things that have happened. But in writing all of these lessons and reflecting on all of the ways life has seasoned me to date – I leave you with my favorite Dr. Seuss quote: Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. So, reclaim the narrative and change the damn story. No one will ever walk in your shoes, so strut like Kendall Jenner freeing her nips at the 2014 Marc Jacobs show. As I enter lap twenty-seven, I’m sending that unreliable narrator off to Greece to live her best Donna Sheridan life, singing Abba to her heart’s desire and hiring a detective instead. Like today, her responsibilities will include gathering data to help me continuously and consciously come home to myself, every single time, without fail. She’ll remind me to be patient because you can’t predict what tomorrow holds or manipulate a future storyline. Believe me, I have tried and failed more than I care to admit. She’ll tell me that the best is still ahead of me. She’ll push me to wear my heart on my sleeve, especially when it feels scary to do so. She’ll help me stay present in the here and now, appreciating every moment for what it is rather than what I wish it could be. We’re re-writing the story, my girl. One page at a time.

We made it, people!! We are officially at the end of the road. I am out of breath reading that, and I’m not even speaking! If you made it to the end or even care enough to read what I have to say – I feel so inexplicably fortunate to have you in my life. I am here now, on some level, because of you. My wish for today is that you’ll have found solace in the lessons I’ve learned and take them with you where you see fit.

Alrighty, I must bid you adieu – I’m off to drink responsibly, get read to absolute filth by drag queens, and dance my cute lil booty off with some of my favorite people on the planet. Don’t you worry; my hot girl cry is slotted in there (Author’s note: I already did. I imagine it’ll happen more than once). Confirming that’s still something hot girls do? Anyway, ta ta, for now, weinerholes! x

Big Hug,

Lau

lau

writes

things!

twenty-seven lessons on my twenty-seventh

one more time, loud as you possibly can, send me home!